Written by: Alice – translated by: Profossgbg
Are you really sure? Jokes aside, the social norms are strong, and that women should be submissive is typical. You can try to be submissive, at first, but find a different direction later. And you are allowed to switch (be both the dominant and the submissive/ed) or not to be interested in pain at all, you are just as valuable as all other people regardless of what you like. Okay, you have decided, you are submissive and want to out quickly and discover this world. Do it, but take it gently.
Please, take contact with other women, explain that you are new and need guidance. You will get plenty of good advice and a great opportunity to discuss some thoughts about who you really are and what it is you are looking for. There are people who just want to use a new person’s enthusiasm and willingness to fit in. By talking with other women with similar orientation, you can build a greater sense of security, you reduce the risk to have sessions with someone and afterwards feel negative about things you thought you would like but did not feel good about in retro approach.
BDSM is really about relationships. Just as in any other context, you click with some people, and with others it does not work at all. You must be able to communicate, you must trust and you must like to spend time with each other. My experience is that it is not enough you like to get spanked, and that the man looks good and want to spank you. The risk is that you will only feel empty afterwards and you may never be able to develop the relationship into something more permanent (if that is what you strive for).
And just as in all relationships, one must have an ongoing dialogue. Above all ells as a new within the world of BDSM it is important that it is not a one-way communication. So that you have the chance to experience what feels right and not – dot not hurry, on the contrary, talk about what you want to experience together.
Yes, I know, it feels incredibly exciting to get mail with requests on how to go around town without panties. But it will never work to directly start playing around with an unknown man, it never ends well… You have to get to know each other first, talk about what you want to experience together and what is important for the both of you.
You don’t have to like all the things written in the kinks list. BDSM is a broad concept with mush that is great but everything is not for everyone. Some only likes to play with rope. Others feel a need to obediently follow his partner. Some people want to be spanked for one hour and then go away satisfied and happy. Take no one’s ready-made concept, you have to find what suits you. Have fun while you experiment!
When you have figured out what it is you want to do you need to start with the practice of safe words. You must always have the safe words. It is not romantic to leave one’s life in another person’s hands, it is egoistic to not take one’s own responsibility, but instead to add it on another person… Use red and yellow (you don’t want to have to think about which of Sweden’s scenery you decided as safe words when you are in the middle of a session), and way you go.
Are you to devote yourselves to sessions of pain, it is excellent to start try in connection with it. It is not a failure to need to use a safe word, it is a given that the one in a relationship need to say to when something doesn’t feel good!
Remember that all the time to talk with each other. Even after the session. Your partner wants to know how you experienced it, so that he or she can adapt and make your experience better for next time. In the same way, you want to know what didn’t feel good for your partner.
If you in any way feel unsure about what you are doing is right, get in touch with someone you trust and ask for advice. You are the most important person in your life, not any partner so see it as an obligation to yourself to be honest with yourself.
If something feels wrong, head on, just because you like to sea food all thing from an ocean don’t need to be for you.