Written by: Profossgbg
Shall we dance?
If you have been dancing couples do you know that there is a party that leads and one that follows. So it is also in a D/S (dominant/submissive) relationship. As a dominant, one usually needs to consider one or more step forward during a session in what will be the next ”step” in ”the dance”. And as a submissive how you can follow in order to facilitate, give your dominant partner even more pleasure?
The physical and mental go together, there are people who are only looking for the physical sensation of pain, but according to my experience, it is a small part of people with a sexual orientation that includes BDSM. The rest of us do have mental domination as a part of BDSM. Even if I physically hold my submisives, it will still be a mental domination by the act, not least by if you say one for the moment, suitable comment.
Shame, humiliation and to submit to someone else’s power.
The above I see as two quite separate parts. To be exposed to a little bit of shame and degrading words in the camber is a thing that many appreciate and that can be quite unplanned, of course not without talked about before, but it does not require so much thought. To submit to someone or to accept as dominant is, for me, something that requires more thoughts.
Before you start, use the list of kinks and talk about what individual desires, all the parties have, limits and fantasies. I see it as a gift to give someone else in the confidence that is required from a submissive to be mentally and physically dominated, but also to take responsibility is an equally great gift.
You as a dominant, in a session, you are the alpha in the relationship, you control and decide what shall happen. What do you want to happen? Do you have the mental tools for the session to flow and by that be more enjoyable? You, as a submissive, have you been clear and honest with what you desire? Have you thought about what the dominant appreciate in the session and what you can do for it to happen?
With the dominance we break sharply against the social norms that mentally healthy people have programmed. It is not natural to oppress and humiliate regardless of the happiness it creates. Therefore, all the parties need support and positive affirmation.
What you do in a BDSM session can really affect more than one might think. And regardless, my absolute experience is that all submisives want to feel good towards their dominant. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative that you not only break down but also build up. What one sows, that one shall reap, it is said, and my experience says really that it so regarding positive affirmation. In general, when a submissive pleases you as a dominant and during the landing which (as you may have read and thought about) after each session.
An example was when a friend came with his woman for a session with me. Despite the contemplation of the list of kinks and framework, it became far too much far too quickly for the woman. We sat right down on the floor, she cried a little and got hugs. So we sat there for a quarter of an hour or so and then began to talk. It turned out that it was a thing of pure appearance that simply in combination with session caused her to crash.
I and her husband listened, and I focused really hard on to praise her for her courage to actually dare to be honest and express what seemed so wrong. It led to a longer conversation, one hope, a little more general confidence. It definitely created between more confidences between the three of us with an amazing session a day later. But had we not listened to her, and through the positive reinforcement created a confidence, we had hardly had had neither friendship nor that delightful session.
Break no load-bearing walls
We all have things that are extra sensitive and the dominant within sessions need to keep an eye on what we call the (stolen quote with our own interpretation) ”load-bearing and non load bearing walls”. To create feelings in submisives through embarrassment and verbal humiliation can be wonderfully exciting, but, what is sensitive to the one you have the session with? Through conversations, you should learn to keep an eye on this before you begin with any advanced mental BDSM session.
Above was described how I and a boyfriend despite the list, and the frames managed to break one for the woman bearing wall. It can happen, and it is important to be confident in oneself enough to help to build up the wall again.
In the purely physical session several different processes runs in the body and mind. But in the mental part of a session are there often even greater opportunities for deeper experiences. That also means that you as a dominant have to have an extra high risk awareness.
How then, can I/we develop the mental part of BDSM?
It is a more difficult question than you might think. But by micromanagement, different missions and objectives are ways to keep the feeling alive.
-Training if positions is a classic element. Identify a number of body positions, what do you as a dominant appreciate and then train the submissive so hen know them the heart. You have something beautiful to look at and D/S part in it can be lovely and definitive.
–Flexing/bow can be very nice and addresses the balance of power
–Style, It sets levels of standing. What do you call your submissive? Some people like to make such names anonymous by calling the person it instead of the name. What would you as a dominant want to be addressed as, there are many options in addition to the Mistress or Master.
–Shoe-shining. When the submissive kneeling in front of you and make your shoes/boots even better, what feeling it creates?
– Controller of the submisives orgasm, to ask for permission before, it can be just as nice as stressful, especially if one does not get the permission instantly…..
–To talk about what one yearn for can be difficult, to say certain words similarly difficult. Both knowledge and pleasure can be obtained wile one sit there comfortably and listen to the submissive.
–Attires. By controlling the clothes one wears or the absence of clothes create a tension in the situation is built.
– There is something the submissive should be doing, but are careless in everyday life? A consequence for carelessness creates an awareness of the balance of power and, moreover, the matter becomes made.
If you read theories like Salutogeic theory, its purpose is to cognitively work with a conscious change of in a person. Are we doing any kind of therapy? No, absolutely not, homemade therapy can create great damage and is something we condemn. But for the physical, the dominant have its gear like the whip, cane and, not least, the hand. What gear do you have for the mental part of BDSM?
Imagine that instead of a physical tool, these theories provide a verbal/psychological tool and as a dominant in a D/S relationship you need to have a toolbox to both the physical and the mental. Parts of BDSM. To train oneself to ask questions from a cognitive perspective can give a nice effects regarding mental domination. But the most important tool for mental domination is to know the one you dominate, you learn the small print of the personality and play it like an instrument, then you have wonderful experiences ahead of you.
Another important tool is the use of nonverbal language, what have you, and the submissive for body language? Awareness and reinforcement of this contributes to levels of standing and more. To learn ways to make your expressions more dominant is in this case something positive. If you have the time and desire to deepen your knowledge in this, thus your experiences of BDSM can be evolved.
Embarrassment, shame and humiliation
Vulnerability and fear
Community in the experience, the feeling of satisfying and feeling of being good
The above are different kinds of feelings, feelings are what you want to produce, they become like strings on an instrument and like chords, and you can learn to combine them to create different experiences. How can you use these emotions as a tool in a session, what would you like to experience?
So, what creates the balance that you want? As a submissive, how can you express your position to your partner? Figure, think, talk, and then, invite to the dance…