Written by: Nordiclight translated by: Profossgbg
It was a cold and windy day in February an “endlessly long time ago”
I stepped off the tram at Masthuggstorget. It would be the Bail-coffee.
I had seen an “ad” about where one could get to meet people from the BDSM comunity.
With a great nervousness I stepped into the restaurant. It was full of people. Would I dare ask if you were there for the Bail-coffee? Wheee. Maybe not what I wanted to advocate if you asked what the Bail was. However…the farthest away in the corner sat 7 men and a woman, talking. I took courage to me. Was welcomed. Sat me down. Listened. Talked. Was invited to join in going to Sesam.
And on the way it is. Life is no longer the same since I stepped into Ds/BDSMF – life. So much joy. So many new friends. Clubs. Commitment. Sessions. Lessons
I am the way – Led me. Hold my hand – I follow. The road of pleasure and lust.
I have, in this context, no intention to discuss the patriarchal structures, if one can be a feminist and submissive, dominant and the civic, the power structures and hierarchies of power between an over – and subordination, not either to be norm-critical, if it is a “play” or seriously.
I write from the point of view of “older” vs BDSMF. Does it work? To “find to BDSMF” such as an elderly. Does it work?
I would be able to provide the answer to these initial questions and thus make this my article very short by simply summarise my thoughts: “absolutely”!
Welcoming – exceedance of age – independence of age
I have always felt welcome in the BDSM community. I have made many new friends, the elderly, the young, together with a large dose of generosity.
One of the things that I am particularly happy about is that “mania of age” in the BDSMF community shines largely by its absence. I have always, despite the fact that I belong to the oldest, been the grand old man, have I always been welcome.
Community
By Darkside (darkside.se), it is a relatively easy to find like-minded people and, not least, the calendar provides rich opportunities for participation.
Club activities are fairly widespread even if it is unequally distributed between different parts of Sweden.
Mentally – Transfer Of Power – Development of personality
BDSMF is a mental expression of the person’s needs and practice. The physical manifestations are as diverse as there are practitioners. It is not even necessarily physically, which might suit some older people.
Governance – management
Obedience – handing over control
The exchange of experiences
Awareness
Acceptance of diversity
Learning – Lessons Learned
There is so much wisdom within the community. Here you can get the inspiration to dare, and have the will to think in a new way.
Consent – Consensus
To think the same – A united understanding
Before starting a relationship, one SHOULD clearly talk about/discuss one another’s limits and what you are willing to try. Shouldn’t our society do well to embrace the same spirit?
Some general reflections
Standards are in the context of bdsm for me a not fully adequate concepts. Rules for social meetings is much better in my opinion. It would be desirable, however, that there were a branch of “activities” for seniors .ex. coffee meets, talks targeted at the elderly, perhaps even some camp activities for the elderly.
One of the most important things for me are the meanings of words. The word “play” should be banned since it for me as for the most others is a very serious activity, and form of relationship.
Policy which deals with sexuality
ALL within the community should be active within policy which deals with sexuality, for a better world for all life within BDSMF* * BDSM (F) (F stands for fetishism, which some believe should stand in the insignia of BDSM/ed
By Profossgbg
I had invited Nordiclight home over a coffee to get some criticism of bdsminfo.se and partly to immerse myself a little in his article and concerns that had arisen.
On the question of why I encountered so few people aged over 60 +, the answer was first “I have no idea”. But after a bit of discussion, I interpret it as that, Nordiclight believes that in the past there was not the possibility in the same way to go out and meet like-minded people. Even if there are many ”elder” who has bdsm sessions, perhaps many of them never wanted to risk going out of their wardrobe, there has been enough within their own home or with very close friends. Regardless of that, I am personally happy for the vastness of the range of age I have among friends in the BDSM subculture.