Some tips to the man who perceive themselves as sexually dominant.
Written by: Profossgbg
As the inexperienced, not least at a club one can as a dominant feel a pressure to ”deliver” and be the perfect dominant. It is actually impossible, try to develop your knowledge, step by step and be confident with the gear and the session that interest you. Ask questions to the one you want to session with. And (our experience is that most of the experienced dominants will be happy for questions) get in touch and learn from those who were once in your situation, learn by others, both dominant and submissive.
But please keep in mind, and it applies to all dominant in contact with the submisives, do not throw out plumpness or vulgar words in contact with submisives. Questions or statements that you write, would you be able to say it directly to the person if the one is in front of you? Otherwise – do not write. It is sad and pathetic how non emphatic and rude some of the dominant people are to people they don’t even know…
After gone through the kink list, talked, got a clear picture of common interests and frameworks you have the amazing possibility to go into the glorious world that is bdsm, so here are some general tips and tools for a successful experience.
You are the alpha male so try to find ways to clarify the feeling of yourself.
What do you like? For many submisives, it is very important to see their lord’s pleasure. Be clear about what you want to experience, it doubles the pleasure for both of you.
Physical domination, if you don’t have the session with a one who is stronger than you, you have almost always a physical advantage, use it. To learn an easy way to lock a-arm, put the submissive in a position that physically reduces, to ”heave down” the submissive on the floor and let the whip dance, or make use of sexual ideas, there are many different possibilities. Is the person you have the session with stronger than you, how can you get still get mental anyways?
The mental part of BDSM, yes, hmm, how do we train it? Definitely harder to workout than the physical but read, talk with others, be open to new ideas. Practically then I is only to try, try out with your partner and, as usual, is the communication between you very important. What are you fantasizing about? Read, find like-minded people to talk with and if you can, meet with others, it is always a different thing to talk online compared to irl.
Clothing, orders regarding the clothes to wear increases the mental dominance, think about it and let the submissive make the effort to satisfy. Even if, perhaps, you both have limited finances and wardrobe, you can often improvise a nice outfit… do you like to tear it apart, buy cheap second hand.
Let the submissive feature its body, use your imagination, what is it you want to experience?
Bondage, by pinning down your submissive you open up some nice possibilities, not least if the submissive is stronger. A hood or blindfold can increase the sense of vulnerability and what you then say or do… but do you use for example cable ties or adhesive tape, have the scissors nearby.
Do not hurry, instead take your time, comment and create the atmosphere you want to experience.
You lead, that also means a responsibility.
Before you expose someone for something – try yourself first. All good dominants have an idea on the way their gear feels, so ask a friend, or if you can’t, turn it on yourself.
Practice with the gear – otherwise, it will get so wrong. When I, for example, taught to use the single tail, finally I got a dominant friend beat me with it and a few of his single tails. It was said that I shouted manly… In any case… the point is, of course, you should know your gear both how it work and how it feels.
A recommendation is that if you know of any other dominant that you are confident with, ask to get a beating so that you get to experience of the rush of endorphin and other things happening when exposing body and mind to a BDSM session. It can feel a bit embarrassing and strange, but you get a gold star in my book, and my belief is that you are really growing as BDSM practitioner. Find some gear, both mentally and physically that you are comfortable with, get good with them first.
Hard to tell about your sexual interests to your partners? In the section about communication, we talk more about that,
Yes we repeat, but we would nevertheless like to mention this.
Please, when you hopefully, which we really think you should do, make contact with submissive people – be nice and don’t throw out you a lot of rude suggestions about what you can/want to do with the submissive.
Many submisives get unwanted mail that is both scurrilous and defamatory. Just because someone is submissive it does not give anyone the right to take any liberties. This may sound a bit harsh but it is so common that we want to contribute to a change. A problem is that many dominant with oh-so-good intentions do not want to write, they feel plump just by writing because of idiots who can’t behave.
So put yourself in the driver’s seat and drive towards amazing experiences. But do not forget to communicate properly first, it can never be repeated too often, I think…