Written by: Enga translated by: Profossgbg
I am a confirmed feminist. Has been since childhood and will always be. Born in the 70th during the left wing era with a conscious of genus, preschool teacher as a mother and I had one of the few dads who actually used his possibilities for parental leave. So, for me, it has never been a biggie to talk about.
There are and has been so many currents within feminism, radical, liberal, queer also considering intersectionality. This means that all feminist does not see things the same and act accordingly in different questions that one does not have to act similar. What I see as what unifies feminism as a movement and as an ideology is rather more like:
The view that the patriarchal structure and stereotypes of gender in our society heavily limit the possibilities for both men and women to fulfil oneself as an individual – and a will to change these structures and gender stereotypes.
From my perspective, this means that I want to fight for the liberation of both men and women. Other main questions for me is the level in income levels out in regards the gender, gender awareness regarding parenting, chaired parental allowance, to lessen the gap between girls and boys regarding education in the situation of today were boys in a heft extent becomes losers, liberations of the traditional male role, liberations of the stereotypes of female sexuality plus some other things.
I also practice BDSM. I do not say that I have been doing since my childhood but definitely there has been an urge a gravitation towards BDSM since the early stage of my childhood, well before I could understand what it was. I remember the tingle as a five year old when someone got spanked in a story book and I have masturbated to numerous books regarding young women who were fostered by discipline and spanking. As I grew older it were always stories of an erotic nature that contained light forms of dominance, constraint and violence that I became obsessed by. Always. However, it (way to long) took a long time until I understood that what it was and that it is called BDSM. That there were more people like me – and above ells – that there were men who could give me what I was looking for. When writing this article, eight years has passed since I became practicing of BDSM and currently live within a relationship that include”dominant sex”. I am the submisive and he is the dominant in our relationship.
Within feminism there are many notions and it is similar with BDSM with its many different kinks and sexual orientations. My kinks and sexual orientations circles around spanking, physical grapple, flogging, roleplay regarding education, some objectifying among other things.
So, I am a woman, a woman with a career and a directorship while I also am sexually submissive, how does that work?
For me, this is nothing that is strange on the contrary. I do not see a conflict at all not even considered that it could be a conflict, neither any embarrassment for my sexual orientation. Because as a woman and as a feminist I have learned that my sexuality is important. That my desires and pleasures are important, that my orgasms are important, it is my right to have and to follow the sexual orientation that I have. It is my right to in the way I want and with the partners have sex and I choose to say yes or to say no regarding my sexual experiences. Again, I would like to give thanks to my mother and other feminists during the 70s who helped making that possible.
I would rather say that beeing a feminist has helped me a in the practice of BDSM. Because the world of BDSM does not live outside of the society in general but is a reflection of it, despite its efforts to be a reason of change of norms. The same patriarchal structure lives within the world of BDSM as well as stereotypes of gender, often enough it is even enhanced. It is no coincident that the most common sort of constellation within the world of BDSM is a dominant/straight male- or bisexual submissive woman. It is no coincident that there is a myth about dominant men as super humans, borne as leaders, and submissive men stigmatised for breaking the gender norm meanwhile women mostly is yielding. It is not a secret that some dominant men use BDSM as an idea to hide a skewed or even a hateful attitude towards women. This is not really a strange thing or a reason to deprecate from BDSM, but it still needs to be opposed.
On a personal level has my feminist believes helped to set standards within relationships, helped me to articulate and to implement desires. To dare to set boundaries, to practice BDSM focused on my enjoyment with my premises. On a general level has the same feminist believes contributed to the distribution of information and the start of a debate – about .a BDSM culture that has got room for all and were one can practice BDSM on ones owns terms as individuals instead wied as a gender.
There for, I would like to take one step further and claim that not only is there no conflict between being a practitioner of BDSM and feminist. I say that BDSM needs feminism that it cannot exist without it.
I also claim that feminism needs BDSM. As I mentioned before, BDSM is a reflection of the society that surrounded it while at the same time it is a sphere that aims not to be normative and a sphere were sexual orientations has got its place and its acceptance. Later currents within feminism like queer feminism, strives towards this by giving focus on rights regarding gay and transsexual.
However, I cannot see that BDSM is included on the agenda of feminism. And sex including strains of consented violence, objectification and humiliation still seems to be hard for some feminists to accept. I also can see currents within feminism that does not break the bonds with the stereotypes of gender but give strength to stereotypes regarding male and female sexuality and sex drive. To this, views women do like porn, men want more sex than women and so forth. This can be paradoxical but BDSM and we as BDSM practitioner can make a difference. Again by standing up for everyone’s right to ones sexuality and pleasures from individual views regarding preference and the drive that we hold.
Simply, I say, feminism and BDSM needs one another. And that feminism becomes so much more fun and enjoyable combined with BDSM.
But the last part is my own personal preference☺