BDSM – The letters
Written by: Beh-aga, translation by: Profossgbg
Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission/Sadism & Masochism
BDSM contains so much more but this is a summary from http://www.rfsu.se/Sex–relationer/Sexteknik-och-praktik/BDSM/.
A few nots before we start….
OF course, one can be a sexual sadist or a masochist without being a dominant or submissive, you decide regarding your sexuality. Sometimes we write ”giver” and ”receiver” since some really do not want to see them self as dom or sub. Some like to switch, meaning that you like both to give and to receive in sessions and that is great for those people. We also want to mention that we do not really consider gender that mush, it is individual.
Bondage
Bondage can include things like limited freedom of movement, mentally or physically. One can use tolls like a rope, cuffs or use it mentally by forbidding movement. Some like to combine with mind impressions by minimalizing the possibility to hear or to see. Bondage can be about expressing submission and obedience.
Discipline
Discipline regards control and guidance, to give both punishment and rewards. One can focus on the physical or mental side of it or combine the two. Often there are some rule within a bdsm relationship that combines discipline and dominance. It involves submission and can be about taking or letting go of responsibilities, to show a deep trust to the partner.
Dominance
Dominance to be submissive to someone or to be ruled over by someone. What the dominance regards can vary in extreme from the smallest sexual thing to be dominated in every aspect of one’s life. Dominance like everything within BDSM is built on an agreement, that agreement creates the possibility for a role of dominant or submissive.
Dominance has physical aspects, the submissive must not look strait at someone for example or that the dominant pin downs the submissive during sex.
To be submissive regards a wish to submit to someone ells rules and wishes. It has physical men mental sides but it is common to have some rules regarding behaviour, how to speak and what rules the submissive has chosen to submit to. Wither it regards a breathe moment during sex or 24/7 it can crate very strong and important feelings.
Sadomasochism
Sadomasochism, to enjoy giving or resewing pain in a sexual context. Many still equates BDSM and Sadomasochism, it is to simplify us with BDSM as a sexual preference because there actually is no law that stats that you must be in to pain to love BDSM.
By sadomasochism one can experience different physical and mental sensation, some do think that one enhances a sexual experience. From a lovers small bite to what other would see as torture the body answers by releasing a number of neurotransmitters and that is one of the main treats for the masochist.
Drugs and BDSM
Written by: Profossgbg
BDSM often amplifies the emotions in the experience of what you are doing.
The Dominant has a great responsibility of a session, so do all participants,
But the Dominant is to be in control, and is also expected to manage tools and sensory experiences simultaneously. So perhaps you are starting to understand how inappropriate it can be to combine drugs and BDSM, even socially accepted stimulants such as alcohol.
We’re not saying you can’t have a glass of wine or beer before a session, for some people it works. But to be highly intoxicated or high on drugs is plain stupid.
Anything that numbs the mind regarding perception and more importantly, empathy, is so wrong in this context. BDSM is a strong enough experience in itself, that drugs are unnecessary.
So why gamble with something that can go so wrong?
BDSM and the law
Written by: Tenja, a Swedish judge translation by: Profossgbg (Please be aware of that the translation is less formal and that some parts regarding Swedish law is not included.)
In Sweden, more or less all physical violence is criminalized. The person who is exercising violence towards another person run a risk of beeing judged of assault. However, if some pre-conditions is applied regarding consent from the person beeing exposed of the violence one can be discharged.
Within Swedish law
An act done with consent from whom it affected is a crime only if the act, regarding to its consequence, violation or danger it is causing, its purpose or other circumstances that makes it indefensible.
Not to break the law in connection with the use of violence there are two preconditions:
- Consent
- The deed must not be indefensible.
Consent
For a consent to be dischargeable there need to be a legal approved consent. The consent needs to be specific and regard the act as a hole. But it does not have to be in a specific form, it can even be mute.
For a legal consent to be approved, there are some criteria’s that must be filled. The person must be competent and able to understand the content and consequence of the act. The person giving the consent also needs to have full insight regarding risks and giving the consent willingly. Anything can at any time can be revoked from any part.
Indefensible deed
Apart from the need for consent, the deed must not be indefensible. This means that event with consent, a deed can be punishable in a court of law. This regards to the fact that the legislature believes that some acts should not be given consent to. But one cannot declare something definitive regarding when an act general but within Swedish law, anything that would be considered as aggravated assault can in Sweden not be given consent to.
Advice the dominant
Communicate
To avoid mistakes and not to risk crossing the line, as a dominant you should be scrupulous regarding what the submissive gives consent to at the occasion and what not. That a person talks about sexual fantasies is not a consent about that. Be aware of that consent must mean the whole act. To give consent regarding being slapped is not regarding being bound. There for it is vital before any session that you talk about what can be included and not. The court has in several cases declared that it was the defendant who were responsible for the spoken consent.
Be aware of that at any time a consent can be revoked. One may give consent to be slapped before the session but it can be revoked so it is vital that a submissive has the possibility to communicate this at any time. A safe word can be a good solution. If the submissive is unable to speak, it needs to have another way of communication by signals. If a signal is given, abort directly! If consent is missing and you as a dominant understands that, the act can be criminal.
Be sober
Do not have sessions under influence of alcohol or other drugs. For a consent to be legal as mentioned before it be given voluntarily and with complete knowledge of anything relevant.
Is the person given the consent drunk, the person might be seen as not being able to give a consent, the possibility of doing a criminal act is there by greater.
Be realistic
A consent cannot regard anything, some acts can simply not be defensible from a law point of view. Then, it is of no matter if consent is given or not, the deed is punishable.
Advice to the submissive
Communicate
Be clear regarding what you do want to be a part of and not. Remember the fact that even if you in the beginning of something given your consent, it does not mean that you have to go throe with it. At any given moment, you can redraw your consent. Always have a safe word or other signals that means that the act shall end instantly. In the cases regarding BDSM and assault, the question regarding what can be proved if the plaintiff denies that consent has been given been updated. The more clear the signals to stop are the better is the possibility of winning in a court of law if there is a question regarding the consent.
Be sober
Be on the safe side. Intoxication does not exclude that a consent has been given, provided the giver of the consent has understood what it regards. In an eventual trial it can be hard to show that one has not understood the meaning of the consent.