How to find a partner?

Written by: Beh-aga, translation by: Profossgbg

There are different ways to search for a like-minded partner, but it is undoubtedly the largest, in Sweden today, is the BDSM site Darkside. To find like-minded people on the net have both advantages and disadvantages and you should consider the following:

Do not believe that all are what they claim to be.

Be careful! Unfortunately, there are those who engage in abuse under the pretence of BDSM among all the serious practitioners.

Get contacts and do not just take the first invite how eager you are.

Take references if possible.

Be honest with who you are, what you want and what you are looking for.

When you write to someone, to show interest in the person in question.

Realize that not everyone thinks like you. There are several who does not can/want to live out their orientation but are using the network, as a let out for and to nurture their fantasies.

Meet at a neutral place on the first time you meet, such as at a coffee shop. Talk a lot, and get to know each other. Make sure it feels right for you.

During the first date, please have a backup. For example a friend who, according to the agreement, will be calling you during the meeting.

Visit pure social gatherings regarding BDSM if possible, events and other happenings and try to get to know people. Darkside has a great calendar where you will find a variety of events throughout Sweden. Does your country have something similar?

Do not be hasty!

As a woman, one can often become drowned in pick up emails on the internet. It is easy to despair and become bitter. Look for yourself among the presentations on the site.

Write to the one that interest you. Whichever one, when you do write, you’re wise to express yourself with respect and really make an effort not to be rude. Try to get in touch if you find someone who interests you.

Read the person’s presentation, be nice and polite, and show interest. But, don’t be afraid to write, write from your point of view, and you might start a great relationship. Please, when you hopefully, which we really think you should do, make the contact be nice and do not throw out a mass of ill-mannered suggestions about what you can/want to do with the submissive. Many submisives get that unwanted mail, etc. which is a problem today. Just because someone is submissive it does not give anyone the right to take liberties, even in writing.

To spam loads of women on a site is not a good idea. Women talk to each other and you will soon gain the reputation of beeing desperate. This may sound a bit hard but it is a commonplace thing, these spams are also often rather rude, this is something that we want to contribute to change. This has led to that many people with the oh-so-good intentions do not want to write, they feel plump just by writing because of idiots who can’t behave. So break the trend by nice mails and at the same time, opened, for the opportunity of glorious new meetings….

What about outside of the bdsm subculture?

The best way is of course is to basically just tell you about your orientation/interest, but it can be easier said than done. You can be afraid to “out yourself” and you may not want to go too slow taken in consideration the first impression. It is here that the parables and references come into the picture. Say what you want about 50 shades of grey, but almost all know about it, an excellent topic to bring up, alternatively mention, in passing, on a date, a personal ad or whatever it is. But the more sensitive the topic the more difficult to talk about, lead the conversation by telling or hint about your own interests and do not hurry, these are topics that may need time and reflection before one is ready to talk about.

If I have a partner that does not know about my orientation/interest? See above but if one does not know such a crucial part of you as a part of your sexuality, is it not important to somehow convey? Of course, a difficult thing, and we can only wish the best of luck.