Written by: Profossgbg
So, I actually do like to sexually dominate women – with all the available authoritative, verbally and physically, I enjoy to get her to obey and know here place. I get turned on giving pain and enjoying to hear her whimper. Hmm, now I’m beginning to sound like a seriously nasty one. But I’m not, really, and oppression without consent, in all its forms, I do see as an illegal assault. How now to get this in order?
Well, by that that we together, the ones in the session, according to me are taking part in a role-play. Now maybe you are thinking of that role-playing, pretending to be Gandalf or another hero with a large sword? No, there are incredibly many ways to define what role playing is and according to me it is the simplest role-playing game, when one adapts a bit to fit into a situation. Imagine the job interview, you reinforce some and reduces other parts of you with a purpose. According to me it is a role-play even if you don’t have a character with a large sword. When you reinforce your role as a dominant or submissive are you, therefore, according to this definition doing a kind of role-playing.
One of the points we want to convey is that it does not make you nice or nasty if you want to be dominant or submissive. But to go into the role by the strengthening one of the part of what is you and lessen others, you can get experience such as humiliation, sexual violence, shift in power, and not to forget amazing sex, in a positive and loving way, why, isn’t this a lovely contradiction?
What if you want to have “real” roles? By seeing a movie about something one can get a sense of the feeling that movie-characters experience sitting in the couch, without – without taking ride in a police chase. To create a scenario and play roles in it can create experiences in a similar way, to experience a fantasy that you absolutely do not want to experience in reality. I who write this think that “real” roles creates greater opportunity for broader possibilities of experiences. One’s partner(s) can because they know each other so well be difficult to create certain emotions, such as fear. By going into a role-playing game you can fool yourself similar to the movie. And when it works, it can really be extremely strong experiences.
How do you do it? Well a start can be to read The ABC of sexual role-playing, there you have example on how to create a role-playing game step by step.
Which theme you choose? Well, what are you fantasizing about?
The ABC of sexual role-play
An introduction and tips to sexual role playing By Profossgbg
(We want to point out that complex role-playing game with the characters is less commonly related to the amount of space it gets on our side, contributing to it is that Profossgbg is something of an expert in the subject/ed).
My purpose to write this article
One of the strongest sexual rushes I can get is from a really successful role-playing game, it can become so strong that I feel disgusted by what I do, an ambivalence which shows what a tremendous force one can find in the experience.
Now and then I end up in the discussion of rape play and other sexual roleplay and would like to be relatively just in what I say, sometimes it is hard to find the right words, hence this text. This is “right” according to me – nobody else. And do not take this as any other truth than mine and my way to get even better sexual experiences.
Summary
In the more elaborate role-play games is the time you put in the groundwork an investment in the strength of the experience. The coming text presents firstly about important things in general, then more specifically how you can create a sexual role-playing game. Whether you are dominant or submissive, be aware of your own safety, not least by keeping an eye on the one or ones who you will have the role-play together with.
Profossgbg – my experience
I who write this have been role-playing since childhood, live action role-playing since 1994 and BDSM about 20 + years. My main “kink” is to combine BDSM with role playing, I am a heterosexual, sexually dominant male and writes from that point of view.
Contains:
It is about an illusion, but…
What is live role-playing and why am I writing about it?
Relation to the one participating, security
is planning a roleplay boring or part of the enjoyment?
The involvement of “civil persons”
More than one dominant
The mental and the physical
The responsibility of the submisives
Pitfalls and lifelines
Landing
The room, sound, light, props, Environment in general
Ideas to create scenarios (hunt for inspiration)
To create a role – playing game- step by step
Endnotes
It is about an illusion, but…
A real rape or other kind of abuse creates terrible damage that can be worn for the rest of the life of the victim. .
In a rapeplay or other edgeplay we might create an illusion of something evil, no matter what tools(mental or psychical) we are taking to our help, it is not reality and therefore not wrong as long it is Totally clear with consent. But the psychology behind the role play can be enormously strong and all participating parts must be aware of this. I have seen experienced and very competent men after a role-playing game who has been severely shocked by their own part of the role play and how they felt by it, all participators needs to understand that there are deep emotions which are in circulation.
What is live role-playing and why am I writing about it?
The role play is perhaps the most important tool for strengthening the mental part of a session. It is difficult to get a real sense of a new meeting with ones playmate or partner or to get greater sense in it in addition to the experience of for example a physical combat. But by illusion of the role play one could on happy occasions get her to cry of fear, see the shake in the body of shame, and other fun things.
In a live role-playing game, preparations are often a much longer period of time than the game itself, so also sexual role-playing for me. Simply put, you create, over a specified period, an alternate reality through the background stories, characters, relationship between characters, the environment you play in, clothes and props. It is important that you do not break your character in the meantime as the game goes on (as long as everything is the way you want them to be).
The relationship to the playmate – the security
Sure, you can fantasize about the foreign person and enjoy the unknown… but, it can go so badly. Never take anything for granted, security for all parties always come first. But if you want to role-play and have left as much as possible of the feeling of ”the foreign person” it is possible to bypass this in different ways, anyways, to a certain extent.
Communicate primarily via email and telephone.
Meet, but by letting it go a little bit of time from when you meet in a ”civilian” situation and before the session is held can increases the sense. I have only once had a sexual role-playing with someone I haven’t met before and would likely never make it so again, not least the compatibility and mental health is noticed the best in an eye-to-eye, meeting with the exception of very strong recommendations from the most favoured and special references.
One of the main safety points is: references, check up the person, find people who knows, this is important for all parties and to tell one another that one has done a check-up is never wrong. You can’t find any info about a person, it is a good signal that you should go extra slow before the role-play.
But with those who I know well?
My experience is that the better you know someone the more difficult it becomes to create the actual feelings in a role-play. On the other hand, outweighs up by a security check that you have wider knowledge about the partner(s) you plan to have a session with and can go harder in the role-play(does not, of course,, exclude normal security and awareness requirements). But it must be a harder focus on the tools of illusion that you have, character, scenario, environment, etc., By changing the hairstyle, clothing, a mask, use of language, there are many tools to create a ”new” sense of you.
Some have their own safe words when something is wrong. My advice, always use red and yellow as the words, things are happening, but no security shall be open to misinterpretation, only a moron does a role-play session without safe words.
The involvement of “civil individuals”
In live action role-playing, I have been using unwitting individuals as “extras”. Depending on the game, it can and has go bad, even if the times I been a participant myself were never any bad situation.
I think you should think about it before, in what way, someone can take offense by what you do? And even if you are in a city just to visit, how many camera phones are there? I’m not saying that one should not do things, just to be risk-averse and do not throw the experience on someone who does not want it..
Is mush planning boring or part of the enjoyment?
I like and see the importance in having a thread with planned events, which need not be happening but could be. Like a game master I control the course of events if than that nothing is definitely set, there is a basic dramaturgy for the mental part of the role-play. If I have a session with a new acquaintance is the kink list is an important tool, more about that later.
The time you put in to planning will most often be paid back by a more powerful experience and minimized risk that something goes wrong. If a role-play shall last one hour or more, it can easily lose its momentum. I usually type either a short story or poles up small scenes, see more about this in the ”step by step”, so I know that it is a good ”flow” in the role-play. It must always be so well thought out? With a new person regarding security, of course, but, otherwise… No, no way! One person opens a door and BAAM, I smile wile thinking about it. As with everything else, you are creating from the basis of what you yourself want to experience.
It is vital to make a mark so that the person will understand that there shall be role-playing and you lead improvisation, so that the other understands and is able to ”evolve” in what you started, the initiative can be started from any for the role-play safe situation. But for me, the enormous experience does not come from it, even if it is a really nice time.
To succeed with the mental part is to create a melody, find the right chords and text, and it is based on unique frames. Such luck that it is so much fun to make the preparation…..
Role-playing game with more people than two
More than one dominant people may increase the feeling one want to create, for example, power play, and feelings of exposedness.
I have been involved in two framework solutions, different between different men and the same for all.
To combine different people’s frames is difficult and demanding, but can be absolutely essential, not least with several submisives in the session. Here it is vital as dominant to have acceptance of the fact that different submissive have different availability to different individuals and do not put any pride in it. I have solved this by in roles writing the reasons, example, the status and usage to to some have more right than anyone else to a particular person. Then some things is ok for everyone with spanking but nothing sexual.
The second and easier way is to give all dominant the same opportunities on the basis of the submisives frames. NOTE: It can be easily created an atmosphere in the session that makes those gentlemen despite the fact that all involved are knowledgeable, respectful, etc. unknowingly receive less respect for the established framework.
It is therefore my recommendation to Always have a dominant participant that does not go completely into the role, but that looks to secure that the submisives frames are respected at all times, and that there is a natural reason that he can step in if need be through some sort of function of power within the role-play against the other(s).
I have actually never had a woman as a ”dominant colleague” in a sexual role-playing session. However, I am convinced that the role-play between a male and a female dominant would be really good.
The mental and the physical
What makes you jump when you see a horror movie or erotic movie? Or rather, what makes the partner…? A successful psychological part of the role-play, very much depends on elaborate groundwork and what tools you have at hand. Think about where it will be held, what attributes you can have at hand, what opportunities will the scenario create? Triggers are highly personal, just find the partners trigger points and half the battle is won. But one thing that is underrated is silence, you’ve done something so that the person is a little mentally out of balance, stop and stare quietly for a moment and enjoy the situation.
Think MI, Salutogeic theory, cognitive therapy, etc., if you turn these from healing to abuse? Again, don’t need to do things over complicated but these are tools in the mental department. By this I mean absolutely not in No way, think that you should combine BDSM with any kind of unlicensed therapy, it is absolutely reprehensible. However, you can use the theories to ask questions in a mentally stimulating way.
Handcuffs, zip ties and duct tape, is according to me t.ex. always better than rope if you are not very skilled in shibari, or similar in the role-play. But the mental shackles by means of the threat and consequence if the person moves can be just as nice. A favourite is to tear the clothes, can really enhance the feeling of drama.
The responsibility of the submissive
It is, compared with the responsibility of the dominant, discussed very little about the submisives responsibility within the BDSM and in sexual role-playing. I see several important parts of responsibility for the submissive and both are related to the pleasure. Of the dominant. The submisives obligation to be as clear as possible regarding frames and kinks, this is vital to all – And you are giving the dominant a better experience. The dominant may put down weeks in thoughts to create the role-playing session, and then collects energy during the three to four days before to have the right explosiveness when it shall be held.
So what can a submissive do? You are likely to have seen his list of kinks (if not ask for it), you have listened to what the dominant appreciate.
What is it that he appreciates, and then some? Try to get into it without it becoming unnatural in your experience. And afterwards, show that you are happy for what has been done, important on several levels. For even the dominant need to land and can be sensitive, positive affirmation is extremely important for all parties provide.
Pitfalls and lifelines
Basis to know what can be good – the kink list: A sense of security in the knowledge of what the other would like to experience is absolutely necessary, but, takes a long time through session and discussion to obtain. With the foreign person’s kink list at least in my case, a completely necessary as a tool. And even if you have known someone a long time it is easy to forget about the parts and things can change with time. The list of kinks is not absolute, but it should give a solid foundation.
If you ask the other to fill in a list and you do as well for you so you can easily detect what “ingredients” that are compatible. To, over a coffee, compare list of kinks is very exciting, in a great many ways, and to get to know each other. Not the least important is that everyone has things that they really find it difficult talking about in a conversation, things can easily fall away, the list of kinks minimizes risk and enhances the possibility to find the extra high level of the experience.
Tear clothes: To tear, or shred of clothing can be a lovely spice of a session, but can become quite expensive. By going second hand and buying cheap “disposable clothing” you make the session much better (at least for the wallet)
Sound sensitive: you might only have the possibility at home in the apartment: There need not be any problems about it, sound sensitivity can be a tuning tool if you think creatively with threats, gags etc.
Dishonesty regarding the frames: What you dream about in your imagination and then want you would like to experience in reality are not always the same thing. With a playmate in general and several in particular, it is important that the frames are put with some margin for new people.
Hard to find scenarios and even with ideas thoughts, it is still difficult to create role-play scenarios: short stories can give a lot, for example, the short story ” on darkside.se (mainly in Swedish) contains very much, look for other sites and you will probably find in your languish. Read a lot, steal the story or take the parts of the different ones and create your own.
The scenario does not work (a problem playing characters): If one don’t have been involved with role playing, so make the character very close to the real person on several different levels, and a scenario it is easy to relate to, see the scenario tips.
Something happens and the game must temporarily be broken: I have difficult to re-start there and then, better to talk about what has happened and try again another day but this is highly personal.
Potency: It has affected me and other gentlemen, a combination of mind and physical struggles can give problems of impotence. I promise that I was not completely satisfied when I had wrestled down the pretty girl and realize that my erection did not work, this is particularly common when multiple dominant are involved. Cheat! A Viagra or similar, and manhood might work better, not guaranteed, but statically. But even tool of penetration like a dildo can give a good experience and one can regain his potency. A little bit of ”dirty words” procrastination time can work well, you have a partner in a firm position and add any appropriate comments or the like, then you have bought yourself a little time for ”raising”.
The experience becomes too strong: This is absolutely not a negative thing but it could simply become too strong of an experience in a short time. But it is one’s damned duty as a dominant to read that the level works. I do one of two things. Either run full speed, end quickly, however, before it has gone too far and redo the arrangement another time, of course not exactly where it was stopped but similar scenario. A game that I ran and completely figured it would only be one time became three, and all three were absolutely amazing. The other way is to simply lessen down the level, it can be a single thing you are doing right now that feels overwhelming. As a dominant you have to continuously check the level regardless of the session and adapt but here is the frame extra important. The more you need to check the less feel of the role-play, the balance comes with experience in being able to enjoy the role-playing session at the same time as you have full control
Condom – boring and breaks the feeling: It is not possible to get away from the fact that the condom reduces the feeling, decreases the potency and, not least, makes it difficult to keep up the element of role-playing session. Is the person, the bound is not so big a problem, and if not, I use the verbal threat to create time for putting it on. The condom is in many cases a necessary evil, how boring it is, it is still necessary. Safe sex is nothing to take lightly.
The binding takes way too long time: Binding with the rope can be comfortable and give a nice feeling but if you don’t have the pace, you can lose torque, cable ties and duct tape are good substitutes. Are you using cable ties or tape, be sure to have something close at hand if you need to quickly cut the band. Or shape your scenario so it is quite natural that the person will be bound…. Who is it that sets the framework for the experience?
Landing
There is often talk of landing after bdsm sessions for the submisives, more rarely for the dominant. After role-playing it might be important to talk it out, so all the participators in the session has the opportunity to talk about how things feel. If there is no need, absolutely ok, but it is necessary, it may be important, can be an activity wish is a social taboo, can regard to something mentally important, not least for the dominant. It is definitely positive to reach out after a day or so, a call too much instead of too little… both physical and verbal confirmation is very positive.
The room, sound, light, props – Environment
The room and props can enhance the role-play and reinforce the illusion significantly. How sound-sensitive premises is controlling a lot, it shall be held in a sound-sensitive apartment? What are and what do you want to be able to do? There is a TV? A variety of “inspirational” videos can be tools for the mental game. It is ritually or religiously, then the music/sound is an important tool, Spotify has everything you may need, what kind of music triggers the right mind set? By thinking through the scenario, you see what you need to set up.
Suggestions of scenario (hunt of inspiration)
Scenarios are tools to be able to experience feelings and situations that are difficult to reach through ones normal self.
In my own imagination, I like to have it socially extreme during the role-play sessions. And on the basis of the one/they who will participate, I can continuously create new scenarios. The advantage of being able to use the same character multiple times is that the depth and reality of the sensation increases.
Simple tips of scenario (can easily be done with one or more persons)
Occupational – Before, during, or after the work conference, you convince a woman to make a stop over at your place/your hotel room before you do that other thing.
The artisan who come to visit
The job interview
Au pair and you are alone at home
The student who comes by to some books
Ceremonially – In a ceremonial, you can really make something beautiful. This is easier if you are more people but can also work with just the two of you.
The couple that broken the relationship.
Hire a stripper/prostitute
And then some – It is only the imagination sets the stop, daydream, and fantasize about what you want to experience, experience with the one you will be having the session with. Then you can create a role-playing session based on it.
To create a role – playing session – step by step
Check-up/safety – do you not know not the person, check out the website friends or other ” friends with the orientation”, this subculture is smaller than one might think and often you know someone who knows someone. If you do not get hold of someone, spend more time irl with the person. Tell someone what you will do and with whom,, a nick of a person without reference is Not enough!!!
Talk about what kind of experience you want – Talk fantasies, general and specific. Fantasies is the mine from wish you dig out the coming experience from.
List of kink/frames – One shall in all cases have a couple of days to fill out a written form. As the dominant, compare with your own list, what is compatible and have the same understanding of what is not compatible. It may seem like a small thing but if you. A phobia of feet and you put a foot against her chest… the Frames, all have a history attached, nothing weird about it. There are no reservations and you do not know the person well, it is then you should be “worried”.
Scenario – Compare your fantasies and list of kinks, based on where you will be, what kind of scenario would fit? Of course, it is perhaps the scenario that has been the initial conversation, but it must always be adapted to the framework and external circumstances. Give yourself time to mentally taste the experience, write a story or the main elements.
The room/props – Where should it be held? The strengths and weaknesses of the place? What kind of props/clothing do you have access to? Bondage of tools, bdsm tools, music, more?
Dramaturgy – Again, this can feel like preparing to mush, but it comes from a base where one asks kind of experience you want. I want to strike a blow for thinking rhetorically, how will the experience undulate, how can you influence the person’s presence of mind to make the experience stronger. Like a writer/director can go through the experience and find its strengths and weaknesses before it happens.
Tell the story, provide character if there is one and give order of clothing– please put this in text, less risk of misunderstandings, by gaining this in writing you as a dominant has in addition an extra security if something goes very wrong.
Three or more participants – the difference here is, above all, to find people that work well together, which really is not an easy task. And then put the frameworks which work for everyone. I want to again stress, have a person who has extra responsibilities for the framework to be respected, during the role-play, the adrenaline and endorphin are powerful drugs.
Having the role-play session! – Keep in mind to not meet (outside the game) directly before you will run the session, it hinders the ability to get into mental set of role-playing, meet in character.
Landing and after session talk – Breathe and enjoy feelings after your wonderful experience. The landing and the needs of after session talk is highly individual. But all parties have a duty to ensure that everything feels good. Even if everything went absolutely brilliant.
Endnotes
This is experiences that I gained through the fantasy developed to sessions thanks to the various delightful individuals whom I had as partner or playmates, and they all have my love.
But it is just my experiences which in no way is complete, it may not work for you but, maybe, it might have given you some thoughts.
Profossgbg